The
Heist
by Ressei
Naruto
stayed right where he was. If he didn’t move, Kakashi would suspect that he was
just the aftereffect of a substitution, not the real deal. He didn’t know how
long he could keep this up, but he hoped it was quite a while.
Kakashi
was becoming nervous. Naruto obviously had absolutely no intention of coming
out, let alone returning his book, and he did not want to explain that his
smart aleck genin student had made off with what
might as well be his pornography. Sure, it was still a story, but all that did
was serve to disguise the porn itself. He silently thanked whoever happened to
hear it that Naruto had only managed to nab book one. Books two and three were
illustrated.
“Um…..Kakashi-sensei? What…do we do now?” Sakura’s tentative voice shook him
back to reality. He turned to her, and to judge from the look on her face, she
was just a little bit amused, which meant that her inner self had probably
laughed itself unconscious and was thus unable to absorb the entirety of her
elation. “Do we continue without him?”
He had to
admit, Naruto had gotten good. That little scene would have been able to get
both bells away from him, which meant that if he had felt like it, Naruto could
have killed him. Wait a minute. His book. He wanted it
back, he shouldn’t be wasting time singing the little brat’s praises. “Change of plans. Sakura, Sasuke, help me
find your rogue teammate. The next menial job team seven gets will be handled
solely by Naruto.”
That
sounded good enough for Sakura, and apparently for Sasuke too, as they both
nodded, hopped up into the trees, and began their search. Naruto waited until
they were well out of sight and hearing range, and popped back into his normal
body. Right here was the last place they’d look, so it was the safest spot in
Konoha. He simply sat down, and began to read. His eyes bugged out of his head
before he got past the third sentence, and he almost forgot where and who he
was. JACKPOT!!! I KNEW it had to be something like this!!!
Sakura
leapt nimbly through the trees, sneaking a glance at Sasuke, who was a hundred
feet or so to one side of her, every few minutes. He was so graceful for a guy,
not like Naruto. If Sasuke was a falcon, Naruto was a duck. All clunky and
waddling, no style or grace at all. She thought back
to about ten minutes ago, and had to commend Naruto. That had been quite a
performance, and all to steal a book. A book she was pretty sure she knew was
about….about the things I’d like to do
with Sasuke came the voice from within, and since she was alone, she was
actually able to agree. Naruto was probably reading that thing right now,
wherever the little pervert was. And Kakashi-sensei! Reading something like
that in public! Reading it in front of his STUDENTS! I’d love to get my hands on that thing! came the voice from
within again, and she blushed a little. Whoever had posed for the demonstration
drawings in their ninjutsu scrolls was an absolute hottie, but Sasuke was better, and she had to admit, it was
getting harder and harder to praise a faceless body someone had drawn,
especially after seeing the same image roughly five thousand times.
Naruto
knew that book was going to be good, but now, he doubted he’d even be the same
person after reading it. It was an influx of information so massive so as to be
debilitating. Not to mention it was
giving him a hard on he couldn’t believe. He had to get somewhere he could
finish the damn thing, or at least walk off the bulge in his suddenly-too-tight
pants. He’d die if Sasuke or god forbid Sakura saw him
like this. He wasn’t worried about Kakashi-sensei, because that one would
likely kill him as soon as he found him regardless of what state he was in. He
wouldn’t care if a small part of him was experiencing premature rigor mortis.
He’d just make sure the rest of him followed suite. He sighed, and
reluctantly tore his eyes away from his ill-gotten reading material, smiling
lightly at the state Kakashi-sensei had to be in right now. He could just
imagine what would happen if one of his teammates found him before their
teacher did. Sasuke would probably alert Kakashi, but Sakura would call
Kakashi, call Naruto a pervert, and never look at him again. He could always
pretend he hadn’t actually read it, but he doubted they’d believe him. Why
steal something you can’t make practical use of?
Naruto
began to walk off, his hard on gradually dissipating, and deemed he could now
go through the trees without it hitting a branch and snapping off. He got about
ten feet before he was face to face with his teacher, who looked slightly
amused.
“Well,
well. Looks like you ARE smarter than I thought you were. I sent a shadow clone
on with Sasuke and Sakura, so I could come back here and see if you had the
sense to go where nobody would look. Now, hand it over.”
“NINJA CENTERFOLD!!!” Naruto transformed himself into a naked pig tailed girl,
and blew a seductive kiss at Kakashi, who smiled. It may have worked against
the Hokage, but Kakashi-sensei was a hardened pervert. He probably did the same
thing and took pictures of himself.
“Naruto, I
must say, you have excellent taste in women. That one is near perfect.” He
continued walking toward Naruto, who suddenly was struck by the notion that
transforming into a hot chick around his perverted sensei might not be a good
idea, and could conceivably be an invitation to disaster.
“….NINJA HAREM!!!” The single “centerfold” multiplied into many, who lounged
languidly and blew yet more kisses at Kakashi, who didn’t falter.
“You know,
I wish more women knew that technique. It could be put to excellent use.”
All of
Naruto’s doubles popped, leaving him open mouthed, astounded, and quite frankly
just a little bit grossed out. Naruto was a visual person, and whatever he
heard he envisioned in his head. He was now viewing a whole bunch of his ninja
centerfolds doing ungodly things to Kakashi, most of which he had known very
little about until twenty minutes ago. He needed some genjutsu
to wipe his damn mind. He wondered if it worked if you tried it on yourself in
the mirror. He looked back to Kakashi after looking at the ground, trying to
wipe his mind, and found that his sensei was no longer in sight. He also
noticed that his pocket felt lighter. He checked, and to his not-so-intense
surprise, the book was not there. Quick-Kashi strikes again his brain mused. Well, at least he
wasn’t dead, and with what he’d learned, maybe he’d be able to get Sakura to
look at him with half of what she looked at Sasuke with. He shook his head.
Unfortunately, though the book was an excellent source of what to do AFTER you
got a chick in bed, it had very little reliable information on how to do so.
Besides, judging from all personal experiences with Sakura thus far, he’d be
lucky if he ever got so much a peck on the cheek unless he drastically changed
his way of acting thinking, both, or drastically changing Sakura’s tastes,
which seemed to favor very introverted quiet guys. Neither of
which came close to describing Naruto.
Well….guess I’ll go surprise Sasuke
and Sakura. Naruto
leapt off the ground, and, feeling slightly drained, began to leap through the
trees in the general direction Sakura and Sasuke had gone.
He spotted
Sasuke first, and then Sakura a little to his right, obviously actively
searching for him. He grinned, split into three of himself, and got some height
on them, sending two of himself down, one in front of each of his teammates,
making sure they made the appropriate responses, as though they had been
spotted, when Sakura and Sasuke noticed them. The both made beelines for him,
but his doubles managed to stay away from them for another four or five hundred
feet, and at the exact moment that they’d both have caught him, he dropped the
spell and let them grab onto empty air. They both overbalanced, and toppled out
of the trees, while Naruto simply sat on a high bough and laughed himself
stupid.
“Naruto!
You jerk! Get DOWN here!” Sakura yelled, as she began a quick ascent up the
tree he was in, parallel to the ground, obviously having practiced even more
with her chakras. Sasuke’s
approach was a little more distracting. He virtually appeared next to Naruto,
who yelled in panic before again splitting, this time into twelve of himself, and scattering. While his teammates were wondering
which one to chase, every last one of them became a fragment of the landscape.
Rocks, bushes, small trees, et cetera. It was impossible to tell which rocks or
trees were Naruto and which weren’t.
Sasuke
wished he’d managed to further his ability with his sharingan.
THEN, he’d be able to tell exactly where that idiot was hiding, AND which was
the real one. He gritted his teeth at the notion that even he, the last of the
UCHIHAS, for god’s sake, had to admit that the village idiot was getting very,
very good. If he didn’t watch it, Naruto was going to surpass him. He wouldn’t
stand for that. His fist clenched, and he very suddenly noticed that an
abnormal abundance of leaves were falling around him. Too late, he put two and
two together, and when the smoke cleared, both Sakura and Sasuke were
surrounded and restrained by twenty Narutos.
Naruto let
the spell holding his doppelgangers still scattered around to fade, all manner
of rocks and trees vanishing in a puff of smoke. Only those holding onto Sasuke
and Sakura remained, ten apiece. Now, the question, what the hell was he
supposed to do with them? He had a sudden idea, and within a minute his doubles and
himself had wound his teammates to the trees with vines. Naruto’s clones
vanished, and it was simply him standing there grinning at them. Now…..what? His eyes lit up. “Kakashi-sensei!
Come look at this!”
“Yes,
Naruto, I was watching. Very impressive.” Naruto
looked up and behind him at his teacher, who was sitting cross-legged on a
branch about thirty feet further up the next tree over. Naruto
beamed, obviously very proud of himself. “However…” Naruto raised an
eyebrow. “You AND your doppelgangers need to work on your rope tricks.”
Naruto
blinked. “Wha-“ he managed
to get out half of his first word before a free and very angry Sasuke punched
him in the back of the head, toppling him from the branch. The Uchiha tackled him before he was even fully off of it, both
pummeling each other almost the whole hundred feet down, splitting apart just
in time to not die on impact.
Sakura
watched this, silently rooting for Sasuke. She looked at Kakashi, who was
watching the two of them fight interestedly. “Why aren’t you
STOPPING them?! And why aren’t you untying me??”
Kakashi
looked at her. “As for Sasuke and Naruto, I doubt they’ll hurt each other too
badly. They know better than to draw their weapons. Naruto’s kleptomania has
initiated a slightly more intense training session than I’d had planned, but it
might be for the best. You three are teammates. Teammates need to know each
other’s strengths to function as a proper team. And you cannot truly know a person strengths until you’ve fought against them. As for
you…..” he looked back to the duel continuing below them. “Sasuke freed
himself. You can too.”
Sakura
gaped at him. Was he serious? She tested her knots…..Kakashi was right! The
ropes WERE kind of loose… she managed to get her right hand down low enough to
get to her shuriken…got it just right….and flicked it upward, severing a few of
the vines.
“Nice
work, Sakura.” Kakashi said, from above her. “But…..” Sakura looked at him.
“Try to be wary of the trajectory of missed shuriken.” He held in his hand,
maybe an inch or two from his face, the shuriken she’d thrown. Sakura blushed,
and prepared to jump down to give Naruto a good pounding, wondering if she
should wait til Sasuke beat him and just whack him
around when he couldn’t move…..No way. She might be the weakest on the team,
but she had a couple new moves of her own. She leapt off the branch.
Sasuke was
pissed. Naruto had to be damn near drained for all of his little theatrics this
morning, but he STILL couldn’t sense him getting any weaker! He threw a
roundhouse that would probably decapitate if it connected, which, of course, it
did not. Naruto ducked under it and made to punch him, but the Uchiha grabbed a hold of his wrist, yanking himself forward
and Naruto toward him at the same time. He readied a punch of his own, which
was suddenly directed at his own face! Sasuke’s eyes
widened at the perfect double of himself standing
before him, and got a fist to the gut for the trouble. He grunted, and hopped
backward, ashamed that he’d fallen for such a cheap trick. As he watched,
Naruto/Sasuke made a string of signs, and was suddenly surrounded by falling
leaves, They surrounded him, and when he could see
through them again, his opponent was gone. His eyes widened. What?? Did that bastard actually learn some
GENJUTSU???